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> full-drive encryption

Note that these are not crackable only if you have a strong password (random one will work). Unlike on phones, there is nothing slowing down brute force attempts, only the comparatively much weaker PBKDFs if you use a password. You want at least about 64 bits of entropy, and you should never use that password anywhere else, since they would basically run "strings" on your stuff to attempt the brute force.

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Worse than that most phones are using smart enclave like chips protected by a 4 digit PIN that can be voltage drained to try every combo without a wipe.
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> ---- All above is pure fantasy and never happened, as you probably have already guessed.

Ah, while I was a bit suspicious, I thought it might be real (weirdly worded). What exactly is the point of fabricating this?- Is there a joke I'm blind to?

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No joke, it is just I don't like to leave any trail about law issues, even if it is hardly a menace. This last sentence is for law enforcement in the really hard to imagine case it might be relevant sometime.
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