Vampires are a kind of pedophile.

It's not nonsense, it's satire. I was laughing most of the way through both of these articles.

The Rockefeller one literally points out that the guy did all this weird stuff and then his son, who didn't, outlived him.

Also weird it didn't mention Peter Attia's connection to Epstein outright. It did this weird tongue-in-cheek thing for a few paragraphs referencing Epstein only in the foot notes. I still can't tell whether what I read was actually praising these guys or extremely subtly sardonic.