upvote

    <input.json  jq -S  -r '(first | keys) , (.[]| [.[]]) | @tsv'
    <input.json  # redir
    jq
    -S           # sort
    -r           # raw string out
    '
    (first | keys) # header
    ,              # comma is generator
    (.[] |           # loop input array and bind to .
    [                # construct array
     .[]             # with items being the array of values of the bound object
     ])           
     | @tsv'        # generator binds the above array to . and renders to tsv
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oh my god how could I have been doing this for so long and not realize that you can redirect before your binary.

I knew cat was an anti-pattern, but I always thought it was so unreadable to redirect at the end

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it seems smart until you accidently type >input.json and nuke the file
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Here's an easier to understand query for what you're trying to do (at least it's easier to understand for me):

    cat input.json | jq -r '(first | keys) as $cols | $cols, (.[] | [.[$cols[]]]) | @tsv'
That whole map and from entries throws it off. It's not a good use for what you're doing. tsv expects a bunch of arrays, whereas you're getting a bunch of objects (with the header also being one) and then converting them to arrays. That is an unnecessary step and makes it a little harder to understand.
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Thanks for sharing, this is much better, though I actually think it is the perfect example to explain something that is brain-slippery about jq

look at $cols | $cols

my brain says hmm that's a typo, clearly they meant ; instead of | because nothing is getting piped, we just have two separate statements. Surely the assignment "exhausts the pipeline" and we're only passing null downstream

the pipelining has some implicit contextual stuff going on that I have to arrive at by trial and error each time since it doesn't fit in my worldview while I'm doing other shell stuff

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Honestly both of those make me do the confused-dog-head-tilt thing. I'd go for something sexp based, perhaps with infix composition, map, and flatmap operators as sugar.
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I find it much harder to remember / use each time then awk
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