That’s also nice joke! You are all killing it today

Well, you’re quite fucking wrong there.

With PHP you can still drop a single file on shared hosting and be up in minutes, with no build step or CDN proxy in the mix.

npm deps adds plenty of attack surface on its own. Netlify is fine until you need custom binaries or persistent storage, then it gets weird fast. PHP has plenty of warts, but the ops path stays flatter than Node for the boring case most sites need.