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So which normal form do they argue for and against? And what UUID version wins the argument?
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Explaining jokes is poor form.
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This was an attempt to extend jokes and not ask for explanation: there are a number of normal forms, and people usually talk about "normalization" without being specific thus conflating all of them; out of 7 UUID versions, only 2 generally make sense for use today depending on whether you need time-incrementing version or not.
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On the internet it is normal.
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Not OP, but UUID v7 is what you want for most database workloads (other than something like Spanner)
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I use the null uuid as primary key - never had any DB scaling issues.
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Yeah, no NULL is ever equal to any other NULL, so they are basically unique.
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You are also guaranteed to be able to retrieve your data, just query for '... is null'. No complicated logic needed!
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Me still using bigints... Which haven't given me any problems. Wouldn't use it for client generated IDs but that is not what most applications require anyway.
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