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I think its pretty obvious that "sit on a beach" is a metaphor for being able to do whatever you want not literally sitting on a beach for the rest of your life.

At the same time, you guys really can't imagine relaxing on a beach for more than a few hours? Like i'm not really a beach person but back when i lived near the ocean i spent the odd saturday just unwinding on the beach with a book. Certainly wouldn't want that every day, but y'all acting like it would be impossible to enjoy say abeach vacation for a few days seems crazy to me.

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yes, but that didn't prevent the passage from being funny :) it's a rant, being literal about stuff like that is part of its schtick.

(also I could happily relax anywhere for a few hours, but ideally not on a beach because that's uncomfortable)

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Nature is wonderful because it will relax and center oneself while making it clear why we created civilization.
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I “retired” about a year ago. Back to actively doing some tech industry analyst stuff with some folks I know. Keeps me as busy as I care to be.
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I would dearly love to be as busy as I care to be.
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Right? That's my ultimate goal.
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I love the beach.

Living near the beach is nice.

You can sit on it, walk on it, swim on it, surf on it, run on it, fish on it.

Better than a cement sidewalk, IMO.

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A home on the beach is seen as an expensive status symbol.

House maintenance costs in sea air cost at least double. Appliances and aircon rusts and corrodes. Everything needs regular painting.

Cars rust out. I buy second hand shitters and replace them every ~5 years. Certainly not worthwhile owning anything collectable or precious.

If you want a garden, be prepared to spend twice the time and money and, perhaps plants and trees still struggle or die.

I live in New Brighton in Christchurch, mostly because it is cheap housing (for no reason I can understand). Plus the coastal wind from the sea avoids hayfever (town is irritating for me).

It has a good community. Many people that choose a beach vibe are relaxed and friendly.

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I love the ocean, but I have to confess I don't care much for beaches. sand gets everywhere.
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A lot of beaches happen to be near oceans.
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Fortunately a lot of ocean isn't anywhere near a beach.
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