> but it does absolutely nothing with actual pain

Neither paracetamol nor ibuprofen work by blocking pain. Depending on the type of pain and your physiology it can range from really effective to not at all.

I only take paracetamol, it works better than both ibuprofen and opioids for me. I know other people who have the exact opposite experience. There’s no absolute here.

Many years ago I had 4 surgical procedures done around my nose/throat at the same time - straightening a deviated septum, turbinectomy, enlarging the openings into my sinuses and removing my tonsils. This meant I couldn't breath through my nose for about a month - and breathing through your mouth when you've just had tonsils removed is quite painful.

Soluble paracetamol literally turned the pain off like a switch - of course I was limited as to how much I could take, which I was careful to stick to but I was almost in tears waiting for the time to come where I could take more paracetamol.

So in some situations paracetamol can be an extremely effective painkiller.

Your statements are factually incorrect.

Double blind placebo controlled trials have shown that acetaminophen/paracetamol is superior to a placebo at controlling pain.

It may not work for you, I don't know. But it absolutely does work in general!

What is actual pain?