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Have you forgotten about Azure Dev Ops aka Visual Studio Team System aka Team Foundation Server*?

Yes, it's still Microsoft, but they've forgotten about it, so it runs entirely adequately and is actually a surprisingly okay github replacement. It does nothing special, but it does do everything, just in a way you often would rather it wouldn't. It doesn't have the flexibility of JIRA for the ticketing, and the deployment machinery doesn't have the fanciness ( and vendor threat ) of chaining github actions, but it does handle both.

I haven't used gitlab, so I'm curious to hear what makes it a "complete mess" too.

* Microsoft's headless chicken naming strategy in full force, it's a miracle they haven't yet renamed and rebranded it to align with copilot yet.

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One does not mention TFS in polite company
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Only alternative outside of GitHub and GitLab I've used was Bitbucket, and it was worse - but this was time when GitHub was good.
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There are plenty of open source forges with a better UX.
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Don't forget CodePlex!
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