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I’ve had one of these remotes almost since they came out:

https://function101.com/products/button-remote-for-apple-tv?...

The newer Apple Remote has directional buttons, and you can then turn off the touch pad.

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You could try the Salt remote. From what I remember they got permission from Apple and it’s officially supported.

https://www.salt.ch/en/internet-tv/equipment/remote-control

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Yeah, I hate the remote, which is why I never use Apple TV even though I both own one and have the Apple TV service.

Maybe I'll try the remote the other user here mentioned.

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The latest remote at least has directional buttons, and I think you can disable the touch part entirely. Might be worth looking into, I think you can buy it separately and it works with most if not all Apple TV's.
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The only issue with Apple TV is they still can't figure out a good remote. I feel like I need to hold my breath and be very intentional with my swipes so when I'm e.g. swiping up/down to get to a menu where I can turn on subtitles I don't accidentally swipe left or right, sending me scrubbing 17 minutes forward.

Didn't Apple replace that remote with a proper clicky remote like five years ago?

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Sort of. It's an improvement but it still have major issues. The biggest being the goddamn search button on the side that you hit 50% of the time you pick up or set down the remote, that can't be disabled, and that yanks you straight out of whatever you're viewing.
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