What you’re getting at is a personal basic language parser that input-output-maps to a safe subset of operations. It can’t delete your hard drive, but it has a “set a timer X, Y, Z” to some wait function execution. That would quickly be adopted and no one would ever upgrade in their life, so how is it profitable?

You are now technology enough to finally be ready for a mechanical cooking timer. The really old ones are even made from metal.

My preference goes to steampunk level wear and a sticky grease shell made from 50 years of cooking.

I got an electronic one once, it's only a few years old and it keeps eating batteries as if some subscription plan. "Progress" here already offers one more thing to do of the when I just woke up type.

I don't disagree with what you said, but as a workaround, why don't you just set your timers for 4 minutes and 50 seconds?