I didn't get a chance to post about my memories of Tom in the hn discussion of his death, because I hadn't really processed it in time to comment, so I'm writing them up now and will publish more later.
But for now, a few memories of Tom Lord, as promised.
In April 2010 Tom posted me a link out of nowhere: "That reminds me (why? I dunno) that - hey: hate man made the news."
Homeless ex-reporter opted for Berkeley streets (SF Chronicle, April 2010, via archive.org):
https://web.archive.org/web/20100413124819/http://www.sfgate...
Hate Man was Mark Hawthorne, a New York Times reporter from 1961 to 1970 who opted out of normal society and spent decades on the streets around Telegraph Avenue and People's Park. He wouldn't talk to you until you told him you hated him. From the Chronicle interview: "It's a new way of hating. It's about being straight with people... My idea is to be straight about negative feelings that we all have, which is what hate is, and then you can have a real conversation."
I replied that I loved Hate Man (but that kind of sounds weird, like I totally missed the point), and that I was honored he'd hated on me once and wished we'd discussed it more deeply, and that he seemed like one of the most sensible people walking around Berkeley.
Then Tom wrote something I've been thinking about ever since. He said that back in the day he'd had some really, really bad days, real existential crises, and that "Hate man and several of the brothers in the park basically saved my life." Hate Man by getting him to play his "let's lean on each other game," the brothers in the park by being good listeners to mumbled words, often enough good counsel, and by whooping his ass at street chess. He described how, as things shut down for the night, Hate Man would gather the rough itinerant runaway kids of Telegraph up in a circle in Sproul Plaza, and they'd all chill and keep safe and share warmth and make peace, "all in the name of Hate. Telegraph was very much a zen temple. Hate man a famous monk."
He also corrected the Chronicle's timeline. The article placed the start of Hate Man's street life in '86, and Tom called bull: Hate Man was the first resident of Berkeley he ever heard of, in 1983, in Massachusetts, from someone who was basically trying to encourage him to run as fast as he could away from the preppy high school that G. W. Bush went to: "There's this guy there. And he's really cool. He likes to shout 'I hate you' at people. And he won't talk to you unless you first tell him that you hate him, too." It made no sense to him at the time. Years later, he said, arriving in Berkeley was like walking into the landscape of a favorite children's book he'd read years before. Many of the familiar characters were there.
I told him that was beautiful.
He replied: "I hate you."
I replied: "Go stick your head in a pig, beeeyatch!"
That's a lyric from Share and Enjoy, the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation jingle from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wSBC5Dyds8
That was sixteen years ago. Tom died suddenly in 2022, and last week I finally took my turn again, on his memorial Facebook page: I HATE YOU!!!!
Hate Man would approve. Be straight about the negative feelings first, and then you can have a real conversation. I hate you, Tom. I miss you.
And if you want one minute of the town where all of this made perfect sense, Tom Lord's Berkeley, here is a shirtless dude riding a cow in the wrong direction up Telegraph Avenue:
Cows In Berkeley? Moooo:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10JSPdTDFsI
I love that town. It suited him perfectly.