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by m1aw9 hours ago |
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upvoteby jvanderbot8 hours ago|
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If you recognize yourself in that post, then what you recognize is called negative self talk. The only advice I have for you is to learn to recognize how this pattern makes things worse and to learn (or be taught) how to stop that pattern. The blog post is a textbook self-flagellation and I have no doubt author returns to it to feel worse about themselves in some twisted attempt to motivate positive change.
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upvoteby eks3915 hours ago|
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In the last day I've spent a couple hours in a negativity loop. My wife doesn't know it, but she snapped me out of it and it's nice to see your comment as another reminder to avoid going down that path
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upvoteby jvanderbot4 hours ago|
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Brother(i think), I feel you. Some days the rumination is awful, and it's good you have someone that reminds you of the good stuff.

My kids are like that - total blank slate joy machines at this age. And I assure you - fundamental optimism is ok everyone can improve their outlook and/or lot in life.

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upvoteby shimman4 hours ago|
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We need to remind ourselves that it's okay to feel emotions across the spectrum of humanity. There is nothing wrong in feeling bad or having regret or feeling shame; just as there is nothing wrong with feeling glee or hatred or sadness. They are normal emotions, but what matters is how we respond to these emotions.

IDK why but one of the more damaging things about American culture is the constantly championing of individualism over community or belonging. Having one person you can talk to or spend quality time with is often enough and we should be encouraging more people to find their tribe.

My wife goes through negativity loops too, it hurts to see someone I love think so little of themselves but we're working through it together. That's life, we need to embrace it.

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upvoteby 9dev8 hours ago|
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Hah. I feel very much seen by both of these comments, much more than I’m confident to admit.

Something I have been struggling with all my life is deciding whether I am flawed in some way, or the other party/the environment is - because my immediate reaction is always to feel responsible and inadequate, and it takes a lot of energy of confidently feeling superior or right about something. Like, is it a pattern, or am I reflecting to avoid being ignorant?

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upvoteby nradov7 hours ago|
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It's both. All humans and all environments are flawed. You can change yourself and control your reactions to your environment if you want to. You can probably also either improve your environment to some extent, or move to a better environment (not always possible for everyone but HN users usually have that option).

There's no need to feel superior: that's not particularly helpful and will tend to give you a distorted perception of reality. Most likely you're just average.

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upvoteby jvanderbot4 hours ago|
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You'll never have an objective measure of good/bad. You only have your feelings on the matter.

One way is to define what you view as good (or better: define what you view as "better") and just be that as much as you can. Because "trying to actually be better" puts you above the median person immediately, IMHO

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upvoteby m1aw6 hours ago|
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Okay, this is a genuine question because I was trying to avoid negative self talk.

Why did you read the message and think of negative self talk? I'm just trying to learn more about your point of view.

I was just pointing out things where I struggle.

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upvoteby flatline5 hours ago|
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Yeah I didn’t read it that way at all. I think that addressing mental health issues requires some frankness with yourself first and foremost. I know some people object to identifying with labels such as ADHD, autism, depressive disorder, etc., but I do not know if that is what the parent intended.
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upvoteby ambicapter3 hours ago|
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Probably because the entire article is the author describing themselves in a negative way.
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upvoteby justwhy8 hours ago|
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[flagged]
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upvoteby HPsquared6 hours ago|
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Division of labour is THE big advantage of working with other people. So yes, focus on the bits you are good at and hand the other stuff to people who are good at that part. It's usually worth it.
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upvoteby feoren2 hours ago|
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> Turns out I have ADHD

You just magically found this out when the Mental Health Diagnosis Fairy visited you one night? You spent thousands of dollars for a neuropsych evaluation where the result was 40% reality, 40% chance, and 20% how the evaluator was feeling that day? You self-diagnosed by reading Reddit threads? You somehow magically found the one psychiatrist who is willing to talk about ADHD without immediately assuming you're just trying to score some Ritalin to sell on the street? You got diagnosed by Dr. ChatGPT? What the actual fuck are you talking about? Everybody has ADHD, nobody has ADHD, who fucking knows? It's not possible that you actually know this.

I'm 100% convinced everyone who is like "get help, talk to an expert" has never actually fucking tried, because it's not possible.

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upvoteby tiredgrumptries16 minutes ago|
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I empathize with your frustration; It can certainly be difficult to find adequate support, especially if you’re in the US as I am. That said, the interventions that exist can be effective and I genuinely hope you’re able to gain access to a support system that can help you
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