I resonate with you word-for-word. I kind of assumed people were also struggling, but I didn't realize how much struggling it ended up being.

I will post an update every now-and-then. It might not be very software-related (sorry dang!), so I will try to not post all of them on here.

I wish you the best as well! And you are free to contact me, I think talking to someone in a similar boat helps a lot.

I'm not OP but just wanted to add my own experience with anti-depressants as someone who has battled mild depression and extreme anxiety for years. Ultimately in my case it turned out that I needed to try several different antidepressants that my doctor prescribed until I found one that worked to aid in decreasing my depression and anxiety symptoms with pretty much no side effects. I tried several which did not work for me or had a lot of side effects. Some antidepressants that helped my friends and family in their struggles did not help me. So definitely ask your doctor if they'd be willing to work with you to try and find a medication that works well for you with minimal side effects if they recommend that you take such medications.

Wish you all the best. Mental illness sucks.

"while others have their own battles, they are very rarely similar to this" - meh, I don't think that's true. Being human is hard, and in some circumstances can be very fucking hard. If you've had a challenging time in your youth, that makes it exponentially harder.

That's most people. They just keep it inside, assuming everyone else is doing better than they are.

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.

Stop thinking about it and go talk to someone. You are likely just delaying your healing and happiness.

Good luck!