The only situation in which I would consider charging my kids 'rent' is, if as adults, they were being irresponsible with their life, e.g. being a NEET and not helping out around the house. Even then I would hold the money in a separate account to gift back to them later.
I think it's parents' role to always be a source of almost unconditional comfort and security for their kids. Though I also think that this is unsustainable unless kids also do their best to maintain and respect that relationship.
I know other fathers that charge their adult children rent, keep the money, and then gift it to them at the wedding or to help them buy a house.
> I know other fathers that charge their adult children rent, keep the money, and then gift it to them at the wedding or to help them buy a house.
This looks like a game which should have ended by the time a child is an adult.
I am raising a very young child so I am very concerned about the future and constantly thinking what's the right way to raise him.
The right way to raise your child is so that they can thrive without you while wanting their children (your grandchildren) to spend time with you. This is a tall order because it requires decades of sacrifice, pain, and difficult yet positive decisions.
Um, no?
Thanks for suggesting a possible left/right political litmus test.
We shouldn't have to waste too many resources on "useless people" but I think starving them to death is a bit excessive. We don't have a shortage of food. They're more likely to need mental health services or spiritual guidance to help them not be useless - which they can pay back in taxes if the transformation succeeds.
If they aren't frugal, and are otherwise suffering from lifestyle creep, then not charging them might be an injustice and setting them up for false expectations/never leaving home.
FYI, I was in the first group because my first job had pay cuts within 2 weeks, and then I discovered I basically spent minimal time at home anyway, so why pay more for it. Let me buy when I wanted to move out.
I live in the US now, and here, where it is (used to be?) easy to land a well-paying job fresh out of school, it is considered quite common to charge your children rent if they decide to stay at home. My feeling is that staying at home in the USA carries quite some stigma for both the kid and their parents. American culture puts a lot of value in self-reliance and financial independence, and the general idea is that you failed as a parent if your kids aren't able to afford their own place.
(I also have a feeling all of the above is changing dramatically, given the current cost of living crisis in America.)
He's eating food out of the communal pool and it's a running gag at local restaurants that he eats two entrees. I think it's fair that he contributes something, like he is working, except for this summer when he said "take this job and shove it" because he was working for a crew where the foreman was twice his age but didn't have any sense for construction. Instead, he's doing a lot of work around the farm to fix things up, some of which is stuff we need and some of which is stuff he wants.
He expects to inherit the farm, will probably move to our other house if and when he is ready to co-habitate as opposed to getting on the housing ladder in the conventional way.
I got a job that required me to move when I was 25, though, and what I realized after that was that living with your parents constrains you. I don't know how your relationship with your son is, but while I lived with my parents, they expected to know where I was going and be home for dinner, and even if I refused to tell them, I'd feel that I was judged for it, so I usually avoided it. Living by myself means if I want to go to a party or just buy something weird or get into soldering, I can just do it without worrying what my parents will think. I think delaying that stage has been really bad for my development.
When I grew up, that was seen as pampering kids. They'd never "learn" how to be financially responsible, etc. if they always received help.
But, let's be honest, in many places the housing market is now so expensive that people could be saving for 5-10 years just to afford the down payment. And by the time they have enough, the market will have appreciated even more, so they have to save for even longer. I have peers that got into the housing market 20 years ago with help from parents, and their properties are now worth 5x - 8x of what they paid.