DNS is secure (in Zooko's terms - means you can be certain a domain only has one correct resolution) and human readable.
.onion is secure and decentralised.
Petnames (as in I2P) or /etc/hosts are human readable and decentralised.
Also any centralised secure system will quickly have all the names squatted if they are free. It's bad enough at current prices. For instance every dictionary word under .com is already taken. If they cost nothing it would be every pronounceable sequence of up to 12 letters.
Nothing is actually stopping you running "weird DNS" on your home network if you implement the DNS protocol towards clients. I suggest you get familiar with the program Unbound. It's very common for networks to use alternative DNS if only to address the devices on the network.
Also IPs weren't originally meant to be ephemeral. You can get an address block registered to you (v6 only of course, there's no more v4) for a pretty reasonable nominal fee.
However, why would a company build something just for a handful of people?
or if you are EU/China and do not want google DNS and networkign layer owning entire EU/China
in all cases they would still want centralized control by each state/company.
how to align incentives of someone who can actually pull this off and still keep it decentralized is a big question.
you got to go full own hardware stack. now only China can reallistically pull this off.
China has own hardward stack. (actually entirety of all hardware stacks. it is all build there). China has own playstores or higly regulated versions of Apple/Google play stores.
China has mini-apps ecosystem which is more resilient to App Store whims.
and pretty much China is only place that can reallistically negotiate and push back to Google/Apple.
nobody else can stand a chance.
so free web is only possible in China pretty much. and future of free web is there.