Let me convince you! :-)

There are match expressions and arrow functions:

  $slug = $title
      |> trim(...)
      |> (fn($str) => str_replace(' ', '-', $str))
      |> (fn($str) => str_replace('.', '', $str))
      |> strtolower(...);

There is meta-programming with annotations:

  final class PostsController
  {
      #[AccessControl(fn(Request $request, Post $post)
          => $request->user === $post->getAuthor()
      )]
      public function update(Request $request, Post $post): Response {
          // ...
      }
  }

Native (and optionally value-backed) enums:

  enum Status
  {
      case Draft;
      case Published;
      case Archived;
  }

Proper class property hooks, fully replacing getters and setters:

  class Data
  {
      public string $fullName {
          get => "{$this->firstName} {$this->lastName}";
          set(string $value) {
              [$first, $last] = explode(' ', $value);
              $this->firstName = $first;
              $this->lastName = $last;
          }
      }
  }

And tons of other features—among them asymmetric property visibility, fibres/green threads, DNF types, lazy object instantiation, an ever-improving yet fully opt-in static type system with runtime validation, a JIT compiler, an amazing package ecosystem and -manager, annotation-backed deprecation, and more.

  array_map(callback: fn($i) => $i * 2, array: [10])

> Nope.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I'll disagree kindly with you on that "Nope".