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Could you explain to me how an investor owning SPY shares gets to control the proxy vote?

Oh, don't worry. I already know the answer. I'm asking if YOU can tell me the answer.

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You can buy IVV instead and get the same exposure but this time you get to vote. Or you could just not own spy and buy the shares individually.
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What 401k program do you or your peers have that allows you to buy funds outside of the few, selected by the 401k manager?

I certainly can't buy individual shares in my 401k program. And very, very few programs I'm aware of ever offered that as an option.

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they typically offer a brokerage option. fidelity and vanguard both offered this when I had them. if that wasn't on the table I'd roll it into something that gave me flexibility.
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