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The penguin isn't owned by JR East, which is the problem. It's owned by a specific artist and licensed by Dentsu, who has to approve all usage. The other transit networks actually fully own their mascots, but Suica's Penguin isn't theirs to control.
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Nooo the penguin is the best part of suica!
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The weirdest payment method has got to be the Coke ON vending machines that do not support SUICA but instead require you to QR code-IR blaster you to a website where you bluetooth pair with the vending machine then buy it on your mobile browser.

Like....somehow they turned a sub 1ms operation into a 4 minute 32 second one. It boggles the mind

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Most Coke On machines do support Suica/Felica but you have to press IC on the blinking pad. The problem is that the pad doesn't seem like a touchscreen and it can be difficult to precisely tap. However Suntory does have app-only machines now.

It's not really mentioned in the article, but Suntory and transit operators out in Hiroshima etc. are turning away from Felica simply because the licensing fee is too high for them. That's also why Samsung and Google don't enable it on non-Japanese phones. Sony and JR missed the part where they have to generous first to eliminate all competition before jacking up fees, and now they're getting eaten by QR payment and Visa.

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Coke ON Pay uses an app that automatically pairs with the machine when you open it [1]. It’s pretty quick and takes less than 30 seconds once you set it up.

I think you might be referring to QR de Kessai [2], which was introduced in 2023 and is targeted more at inbound international tourists who don’t want to download the app and may not have an E-Money card. Basically they aim to support to support the widest possible audience - at the cost of a slow/clumsy experience. These machines should also accept payment via the faster Coke ON app method and often have E-Money tap-to-pay options too.

From that perspective it kinda sorta makes sense. But yeah I wouldn’t bother with it unless I was dying of thirst and I had no cash or other payment options available.

[1] https://szabo.jp/2021/05/16/coke-on/

[2] https://en.ccbji.co.jp/business/installation/qr-de-kessai/

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So they turned a couple of millisecond operation to a 30 second operation?
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30 seconds is the complete user flow to open the app, select a drink, approve payment with face id, and dispense the drink. Maybe a few seconds longer in the end than paying with Suica, but pretty negligible.

And a lot of coke machines in train stations, service areas, etc also accept Suica if you prefer (but then you don't get the stamps).

Typically the machines I see which only accept the Coke ON app are in more rural areas that traditionally would have only accepted cash. And I much prefer the app to cash.

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No Location based services please :(
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They're a bit late to the party. It's still no China, but Japan has taken up digital payments big time post COVID and PayPay now has the lion's share.
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