I was raised in a social environment where mixing circles was normal and it took me a while to realize that that's not how Americans do things. It certainly creates a lot of difficulties connecting with others, and at least for myself I am a lot less motivated to get to know people better when I'm the X or Y buddy they reach out to when the people they actually want to hang out with are unavailable.
You want N people. Assume 1/2 won't show. Invite 2N people. Either ask people to bring a bit of food, or provide food for 1.5xN and if you get only N then you'll have leftovers.
> - Unreciprocated $100s of dollars spent is non sustainable, and lowkey feels kinda like buying others friendship
If you have the disposable invome for it then it's its own reward, and you're not buying friends: you're helping them make new friends with your other guests, and this is something they'll appreciate about you. They might or might not reciprocate because as we've seen in this thread, many are not into hosting.
> - mixing circles -- people are often isolating their friend groups into niches (pickelball friends, church friends, D&D friends...)
Mixing is half the point!!
> - And IMO the overarching issue in America that creates so many problems -- Everyone is so overworked that they don't have the energy/capactity to do good things: Exercise, and hosting parties being two examples.
That's what long weekends are for, so host a party on a day in a long weekend.
See my last point, they're too busy/tired. 1/2 the people bring chips and salsa they picked up last minute on the way there.
> Mixing is half the point
People no longer want mixing. Anyone who disagrees about anything they believe is "toxic" or microviolent.
> That's what long weekends are for
People already maxxed want rest, isolation, catchup a breath on the very few long weekends. Those who do happen to have capacity want social media viable things to show off their status to their friends.
Well, maybe some are like that. They'll stop coming to your parties, or you'll stop inviting them, or you already know they are like this so you won't even invite them. The rest will keep showing up -- they're the fun ones!
> See my last point, they're too busy/tired. 1/2 the people bring chips and salsa they picked up last minute on the way there.
And that is fine, at least the first time. People learn and will not bring chips and salsa afterwards. Plus, the goal of the shared dinner is to have people over, not to enjoy fancy meals.
See, that's your problem. You don't throw a house party because you want to go to other house parties. You do that because and only because, you want to throw a house party.
Maybe the truth is I dont want to throw a house party -- I want the outcomes of a house party... Friends, community, being known, meeting someone who might become a friend/spouse, not being alone on isolating holidays (like thanksgiving / christmas / NYE) .