This still sounds like you're trying to justify "weak" and "strong" as useful categories.
reply>> "Consider breaking down in front of everyone all the time, embarrassing yourself constantly, never knowing what to do, irritating everyone by being inconsolable, etc. vs always being composed, manipulating situations to avoid embarrassment, always being prepared with plans and never depending on others. Despite the fact that the latter is a constant never-ending source of work that mostly never gets used, on top of being incredibly lonely, the former feels worse because everybody sees it as worse."
These are not emotionally mature ways of handling things. These are called maladaptive coping strategies.
I would be very careful dismissing these examples as merely coping strategies. Maladaptive sure, especially once no longer needed, but a coping strategy is only for managing emotions. These are largely survival mechanisms, ways to avoid or reduce the intensity of abuse in the first place. They do tend to come with coping mechanisms, but that's not their whole thing.
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