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I don't disagree, but having remote monitoring capabilities on a professional fridge is most likely not a hipster feature. Even mid-size supermarkets have dozens of them, with different temperature settings; they can fail, customers can block the doors, etc. You do want to receive an alert when something is wrong.
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Those devices should be connected to air-gapped local network and not to manufacturer.
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You don't seem to understand what these systems do at all. Air gapped takes about 80% of the usefulness away.
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Why the fuck does a fume hood need that?!?!?!?!
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> Why the fuck does a fume hood need that?!?!?!?!

Why, so you can turn it on from your smartphone when you're out of town, of course!

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"Oh, Honey, I think we forgot to turn the stove off!"

"Well, I can't help you there, but I can turn off the fume hood from my phone!"

"..."

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But it's Bluetooth so short range only? So it's not even good for that?
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Exactly!
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These are industrial fridges, the ones almost the size of a shipping container that you find in major supermarkets. But I agree with you that 'smart' home IoT is a shitshow.
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What compelled you to buy a stove hood with a cpu and blutooth radio?
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It was there when we moved in.
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Would have been a red flag for me on the apartment tour haha. I once leased a place like this. Paid app needed to receive packaged mail. Never again.
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Why would this time be any different than the last hundred times?
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Honestly I like smart appliances. For example, I have a home assistant integration that will sound an alarm if a stove burner is on but no person is detected in the room, and a handful of other similar safety-related conditions.

But they don't need to be cloud-connected through some big corp's cloud. I want them local and firewalled, ideally.

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sound an alarm if a stove burner is on but no person is detected in the room

Can you turn that off or do you just have to put up with the noise?

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It's a situation that shouldn't happen in the first place; house rule is someone should be around if the stove is on.

Of course we can control it, it's all wired up via Home Assistant.

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I prefer the freedom of putting a pot of water on to boil and walking off to take a leak, personally. That would drive me absolutely insane.
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1. We prefer to be safe, and shut the burner off while going to take a leak. It helps that we have a several thousand watt induction stove that boils pots of water in a few minutes, so there is no real need to parallelize boiling water with bathroom breaks.

We specifically want to prevent scenarios like: you take a leak, the leak turns into a shitting session or a phone call, you forgot you left the burner on.

2. Most of the time my wife and I make food together so if one person needs to take a leak the other one is around anyway.

3. For long slow cooking, we have plenty of comfy seating in the kitchen/dining area where we can get work done while being in sight of pots.

4. We have 2 pets we'd need to locate in an emergency, and so we tend to put electrical and fire safety higher than most people.

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