upvote
A lot of that depends on how you do with the birth lottery. The path from Westchester to Stanford is a little easier than from a homeless shelter (that was MY life).
reply
my best friend grew up in westchester and married a woman who went to Stanford who makes an obscene amount of money, so... I get this
reply
If the best advice to succeed at being an engineer is to do less engineering and do more schmoozing, then something is broken
reply
While I understand and have shared that sentiment, this is a classic "is versus ought" trap. It ought to be the case that sheer technical skills can carry you. It is the case that they can't. This is generally true for just about every job in the human experience.

If nothing else, those human connections can be the difference in outcomes when you inevitably screw up. If you've invested in relationships, when you make a mistake, it's more likely someone will say "bluefirebrand means well, and I can see how their good intentions led to this outcome. Let's figure out how to fix this so it won't happen again to them or anyone else." If no one at work knows you except as the person who sits off to the side and never talks to their coworkers, the response may very well be "bluefirebrand who? Alright, let HR know we need to hire a replacement."

Again, it ought to be the case that none of that matters, and everyone is treated the same regardless of their personal network. But it is the case that this isn't how the world works, and it's not reasonable to wish it otherwise. I mean, are you as likely to help a stranger as a friend even if their needs are identical? Most people would say no.

reply
> It ought to be the case that sheer technical skills can carry you. It is the case that they can't.

I'd adjust this and say that they can carry you, but not as far as if you did both well.

reply
> "bluefirebrand who? Alright, let HR know we need to hire a replacement."

Yes exactly and here you are telling me that's fine and I shouldn't think that's unjust

Or worse, that I deserve it somehow, for being someone socially awkward that struggles to connect with people?

Thanks.

There's a reason I don't like how the world Is and think it Ought to be different. Social weirdos like me matter too :/

reply
deleted
reply
I'm fairly nerdy (or rather, a reformed nerd?) and I haven't met a single "supposedly socially awkward weirdo" person who doesn't have a spark in their eye or who can't ever say anything funny or who can't make a very astute observation that only they end up being qualified to make. Recognize that you are a universe unto yourself and that SOMEone else will notice that.
reply
It’s neither fine nor un-fine, just not unjust. It just is. In all arrangements involving humans, the outcome’s better if the other participants like you. We’re social animals.
reply
[dead]
reply