I look at it through my parenting lens. You can’t just ignore it. You have to prepare them for a harsh world where they will constantly hear it, feel it, and possibly worse. I’d feel my role would be to fully acknowledge it, overly embrace it, almost to a theatrical level. This would be privately in the home and while they’re young but the idea is to make them understand their difference has lots of benefits/positives to it. It’s kind of a super power. So they have a positive self image and relationship with their difference before they have to deal with the external stuff. Then, of course, they’ll still get upset when a name caller or bully confronts them but you can lean on the foundation of this is just who you are and who you are is awesome. It still hurts ofc but that’s inevitable in this world, how you respond is controllable. Someone simply vocalizing a fact shouldn’t ruin their day if they’ve been properly “coached” to have the fortitude.
reply> You can’t just ignore it
replyI agree with your comment in general, except this one point: you sometimes absolutely can just ignore it. The instance from the article is one such example.
I didn't read it that way. The subject seems to feel overwhelming grief/dispare for being different and notices it everywhere he goes. What good is there in ignoring it? I'd address it. Own it. It seems that the subject generally has had a supportive family/community and has not had much adversity other than just feeling stuck in his life.
replyThe instance in the article is a third party telling Gabe that he's different.
replyThat was a singular event in the article. The article goes on to say how he sees and feels his difference everywhere. He notices in most places, everyone else is the same and he is different. I did not make the interpretation that he only notices this because once someone told him he was different. I interpret that he would have noticed this whether someone said it or not. This is why I personally would address it versus pretend it doesn't exist. From a young age, I would have presumed there is no scenario where he could live a life ignorant of his difference.
replyTo be clear, I'm saying it can't be ignored as a parent. Gabe can ignore it, but that usually requires some proper preparation and understanding of how to deal with the emotions it may generate when someone says it. Hence the parenting part.
"You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole." (The Big Lebowski)
replyAh but they do understand this. They just like hurting people.
replyThere's a gulf of difference between burying/hiding truth and going out of your way to unnecessarily bring up a fact that serves no good purpose in context.
replyAll of which to say, you can affirm it by being a dick, but that's not the only way to acknowledge the truth. Nor should we pretend the facts aren't there.