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FP and SAMOP mean what? Your suggestion is to use a programming language to replace excel?
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FP means functional programming and SAMOP means "simply a matter of programming" and the humour appears to be a Whoosh moment. Cell based spreadsheet programming is good, and should be portable. But people code to Microsoft bugs.
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Sorry so many people making unrealistic solutions, I missed that this was humor.
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This would be an unmitigated disaster - most programmers have trouble with Haskell, I can’t imagine saying hey finance guys here’s an LLM and Haskell figure it out when they’re used to using a full on application with UX. It’s actually so crazy I feel like you’re joking.
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UI is the entire point for an excel alternative, as I understand it.

The computation side is trivial in comparison. But with AI, emulating the UI becomes far easier.

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That's like saying, "UI aside, a car is just wheels and an engine, so drivers should break out the welders instead of relying on big auto"
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