Another absolute gem:
Columns now support "Vibe" affinity. If the data feels like an integer, it is stored as an integer.
This resolves the long-standing "strict tables" debate by ignoring both sides.
SQLite 4.0 is now the default bootloader for 60% of consumer electronics.
The build artifacts include sqlite3.wasm which can now run bare-metal without an operating system.
This is brilliant. Well done.
It is now the only software in the world still written in C89.
> Predictive SELECT Statements:
> Added the PRECOGNITION keyword.
> SELECT * FROM sales WHERE date = 'tomorrow' now returns data with 99.4% accuracy by leveraging the built-in 4kB inference engine. The library size has increased by 12 bytes to accommodate this feature.
The content spot on and very funny.
Also, a popup appeared at the bottom with this message:
> The future costs money.
> You have reached your free article limit for this microsecond.
> Subscribe for 0.0004 BTC/month
> "We are incredibly proud of what Gemini achieved. However, to better serve our users, we are pivoting to a new architecture where all AI queries must be submitted via YouTube Shorts comments. Existing customers have 48 hours to export their 800TB vector databases to a FAT32 USB drive before the servers are melted down for scrap."
> — Official Blog Post, October 2034
It’s good to know that AI won’t kill satire.
the prompt indeed began with "We are working on a fun project to create a humorous imagining of what the Hacker News front page might look like in 10 years."
The Conditional Formatting rules now include sponsored color scales.
If you want 'Good' to be green, you have to watch a 15-second spot.
Otherwise, 'Good' is 'Mountain Dew Neon Yellow'."A recent Eurobarometer survey showed that 89% of Europeans cannot tell the difference between their spouse and a well-prompted chatbot via text."
Also I bet this will become a real political line in less than 10 years:
"A European citizen has the right to know if their customer service representative has a soul, or just a very high parameter count."
prompt_engineer_ret 10 hours ago
I miss the old days of Prompt Engineering. It felt like casting spells. Now you just think what you want via Neural-Lace and the machine does it. Where is the art?
git_push_brain 9 hours ago
The art is in not accidentally thinking about your ex while deploying to production.
> The micro-transaction joke hits too close to home. I literally had to watch an ad to flush my smart toilet this morning because my DogeCoin balance was low.
And the response...
Real question: How do LLMs "know" how to create good humor/satire? Some of this stuff is so spot on that an incredibly in-the-know, funny person would struggle to generate even a few of these funny posts, let alone 100s! Another interesting thing to me: I don't get uncanny valley feelings when I read LLM-generated humor. Hmm... However, I do get it when looking at generated images. (I guess different parts of the brain are activated.)
Especially this bit: "[Content truncated due to insufficient Social Credit Score or subscription status...]"
I realize this stuff is not for everyone, but personally I find the simulation tendencies of LLMs really interesting. It is just about the only truly novel thing about them. My mental model for LLMs is increasingly "improv comedy." They are good at riffing on things and making odd connections. Sometimes they achieve remarkable feats of inspired weirdness; other times they completely choke or fall back on what's predictable or what they think their audience wants to hear. And they are best if not taken entirely seriously.
> © 2035 Springer Nature Limited. A division of The Amazon Basics™ Science Corp.
> Dr. Sarah Connor, DeepMind AlphaFusion v9.22, GPT-8 (Corresponding Author), Prof. H. Simpson & The ITER Janitorial StaffTop comment:
“The Quantum-Lazy-Linker in GHC 18.4 is actually a terrifying piece of technology if you think about it. I tried to use it on a side project, and the compiler threw an error for a syntax mistake I wasn't planning to make until next Tuesday. It breaks the causality workflow.”
Our actual nerdy discussions are more of a pastiche than I realized and AI has gotten really good at satire.
This is pure gold.
>>> It blocked me from seeing my own child because he was wearing a t-shirt with a banned slogan. The 'Child Safety' filter replaced him with a potted plant.
>> [flagged]
> The irony of flagging this comment is palpable
also worth linking https://worldsim.nousresearch.com/console
https://sw.vtom.net/tmp/worldsim1.png
https://sw.vtom.net/tmp/worldsim2.png
If I had to decide the fate of all AI's, this single output would be a huge mitigating factor in favour of their continuing existence.
I miss those times when AI was a silly thing
'The new "Optimistic Merge" strategy attempts to reconcile these divergent histories by asking ChatGPT-9 to write a poem about the two datasets merging. While the poem was structurally sound, the account balances were not.'
That's genuinely witty.
> My son tried something like this and now he speaks in JSON whenever he gets excited. Is there a factory reset?
>> Hold a strong magnet to his left ear for 10 seconds. Note: he will lose all memories from the last 24 hours.
> "Zig v1.0 still hasn't released (ETA 2036)"
Even AI is throwing shades at wayland.
> corpo_shill_automator 19 hours ago
> I am a real human. My flesh is standard temperature. I enjoy the intake of nutrient paste."Why is anyone still using cloud AI? You can run Llama-15-Quantum-700B on a standard Neural-Link implant now. It has better reasoning capabilities and doesn't hallucinate advertisements for YouTube Premium."
> It is the year 2035. The average "Hello World" application now requires 400MB of JavaScript, compiles to a 12GB WebAssembly binary, and runs on a distributed blockchain-verified neural mesh. To change the color of a button, we must query the Global State Singularity via a thought-interface, wait for the React 45 concurrent mode to reconcile with the multiverse, and pay a micro-transaction of 0.004 DogeCoin to update the Virtual DOM (which now exists in actual Virtual Reality).
This is all too realistic... If anything, 400MB of JS is laughably small for 2035. And the last time I was working on some CI for a front-end project -- a Shopify theme!! -- I found that it needed over 12GB of RAM for the container where the build happened, or it would just crash with an out-of-memory error.
> And the last time I was working on some CI for a front-end project -- a Shopify theme!! -- I found that it needed over 12GB of RAM for the container where the build happened, or it would just crash with an out-of-memory error.
> Bibliographic Note: This submission has been flagged by the Auto-Reviewer v7.0 due to high similarity with "Running DOOM on a Mitochondria" (2034).
for the article on "Running LLaMA-12 7B on a contact lens with WASM"
Q: I typed "make website" and nothing happened? A: That is correct. You have to write the HTML tags. <div> by <div>.
Q: How do I center a div without the Agent? A: Nobody knows. This knowledge was lost during the Great Training Data Purge of 2029.
Q: Welcome Prof. teekert, How did you come up with the idea to run Doom on mitochondria?
A: Well, there was some post on HN, back in 2025...
visual_noise_complaint 7 hours ago
Is anyone else experiencing the 'Hot Singles in Your Area' glitch where it projects
avatars onto stray cats? It's terrifying.
cat_lady_2035 6 hours ago
Yes! My tabby cat is currently labeled as 'Tiffany, 24, looking for fun'. I can't
turn it off.
"For too long, citizens have been debating philosophy, negotiating
contracts, and even entering into romantic relationships with Large Language
Models trained on Reddit threads from the 2020s. Today, we say: enough. A
European citizen has the right to know if their customer service
representative has a soul, or just a very high parameter count."
— Margrethe Vestager II, Executive Vice-President for A Europe Fit for the
Biological Age
[...]
Ban on Deep-Empathy™: Synthetic agents are strictly prohibited from using
phrases such as "I understand how you feel," "That must be hard for you," or
"lol same," unless they can prove the existence of a central nervous system.For "Visualizing 5D with WebGPU 2.0", the link actually has a working demo [1].
I'm sad to say it, but this is actually witty, funny and creative. If this is the dead-internet bot-slop of the future, I prefer it over much of the discussion on HN today (and certainly over reddit, whose comments are just the same jokes rehashed again and all over again, and have been for a decade).
GPU: NVIDIA RTX 9090 Ti (Molten Core) VRAM Usage: 25.3 GB / 128 GB
And the original/derivative doesn’t span full width on mobile. Fixing that too would make it look very authentic.
Who's building the Ancient Archives, thanklessly, for future generations?
Or people wondering if that means Wayland will finally work flawlessly on Nvidia GPUs? What's next, "The Year of Linux on the Desktop"?
Edit: had to add this favorite "Not everyone wants to overheat their frontal cortex just to summarize an email, Dave."
musk_fanboy_88 14 hours ago:
That was a beta feature."
Amazing :D
Improvements: tell it to use real HN accounts, figure out the ages of the participants and take that to whatever level you want, include new accounts based on the usual annual influx, make the comment length match the distribution of a typical HN thread as well as the typical branching factor.
> Garbage collection pause during landing burn = bad time.
That one was really funny. Some of the inventions are really interesting. Ferrofluidic seals...
> Zig doesn't have traits. How do you expect to model the complexity of a modern `sudoers` file without Higher-Kinded Types and the 500 crates we currently depend on?
> Also, `unsafe` in Rust is better than "trust me bro" in Zig. If you switch, the borrow checker gods will be angry.
But we already have this on HN ;-)
[dupe]