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Willful ignorance is not an excuse. If you buy into an ETF, you are delegating responsibility to the people who run the ETF (or the people who maintain the index that the ETF tracks), and you've decided you're ok with that, and are ok with whatever companies are in the index/ETF.

You can always decide to pick an ETF that doesn't invest in the companies you don't like, or invest in individual stocks if you have the time and stomach for it.

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I'm not saying I like this turn of events.

I'm saying it's how the world works. The majority of pension funds (public or private) and 401k plans are simply passive index funds with nearly no direct voting rights (and at best very limited, indirect voting rights).

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you should have a look at proxy firms. you would be surprised
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Could you explain to me how an investor owning SPY shares gets to control the proxy vote?

Oh, don't worry. I already know the answer. I'm asking if YOU can tell me the answer.

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You can buy IVV instead and get the same exposure but this time you get to vote. Or you could just not own spy and buy the shares individually.
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What 401k program do you or your peers have that allows you to buy funds outside of the few, selected by the 401k manager?

I certainly can't buy individual shares in my 401k program. And very, very few programs I'm aware of ever offered that as an option.

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they typically offer a brokerage option. fidelity and vanguard both offered this when I had them. if that wasn't on the table I'd roll it into something that gave me flexibility.
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