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That used to be a major selling point because hosts enabled PHP for a directory devs would FTP things into, but those days are thankfully long gone. I don't think it's any more difficult to host a JS, TS, or anything else, app than it is to host a PHP app today. In fact, PHP is probably more difficult than something like Netlify.
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That’s also nice joke! You are all killing it today
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Well, you’re quite fucking wrong there.
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With PHP you can still drop a single file on shared hosting and be up in minutes, with no build step or CDN proxy in the mix.

npm deps adds plenty of attack surface on its own. Netlify is fine until you need custom binaries or persistent storage, then it gets weird fast. PHP has plenty of warts, but the ops path stays flatter than Node for the boring case most sites need.

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All PHP is going to be replaced with single binary Rust apps.

Talented teams will build the atoms for most apps - blogs, CMSes, ticket systems, forums - and it'll be easy for end users to configure.

Rust is easy to code gen and deploy now. No barrier to understanding lifetimes. It's the language everyone should be using Claude Code to emit.

Everyone is now a Rust engineer with 10 years of experience. (I'm not joking, just in case that needs clarification.)

If you haven't tried writing a simple web service in Axum or Actix plus SQLx, you need to give it a try. You'll be amazed at how simple it is, and you'll be even more amazed at how performant and easy it is to work with.

You do not need to know Rust or have any prior Rust experience. You'll pick it up along the way. It's easy and you'll learn it fast.

Rust is a low-defect rate language to serialize to. The syntax begs you to handle errors, nulls, exceptional conditions within the language itself. This is naturally a good fit for most business problems. It doesn't hurt that the language is fast as hell and super portable either.

If the job is now encoding business logic - this is the optimal serialization that I'm aware of. I write Go, Java, Python, TypeScript, PHP, Swift - I can't think of any better language for greenfield projects that don't have existing language/library requirements.

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I'm not sure you appreciate why PHP was successful. You might be completely right about all this, but the LAMP-stack "just upload this file to shared hosting" workflow is what made apps like WordPress win out, and the barrier remains significantly higher to do the equivalent with Rust.
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Historically successful.

Draging a bunch of PHP files onto an FTP client is harder than modern dev practices.

If you've got a modern frontend of any kind, you're already beyond this.

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These april fools jokes keep getting lazier every year.
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