Nice paradox you've created there.
> People here have trouble agreeing on engineering, product and business practices they specialise in. They are _NOT_ going to guide you in the right direction on mental health topics.
I don't know that that follows logically. Whatever people they might reach out to in the real world -- be they friends, relatives, therapists -- also actually disagree about things and don't have all the answers. HN comments come from the same general pool of people, who also potentially have experiences and insights a like-minded individual might find valuable.
> You are not going to just build a better planning system one day.
No but you may be able to over time, through trial and error, and connecting with others and hearing about their experiences. I don't think there's anything wrong or unhealthy about exploring it in this fashion and I don't understand your choice of tone.
I do agree that setting a goal for the year of "not making stupid mistakes" is a (stupid?) mistake. It is more of a lifelong journey and process, of striving rather than achieving, and not setting unrealistic expectations for yourself.
I claim that is trivial (albeit obnoxious) to dismiss most informal utterances in this way. This is because, for starters, informal language is complex and enthymeme in the extreme -- we don't tend to articulate every e.g. assumption and premise and contextual relation up front in every utterance. Language is messy because the concepts under discussion are complex and messy, and vibes are powerful tools for wrangling that complexity and getting at meaning.
For example: my interpretation of what the parent wrote was something like "the 'making stupid mistakes' line is a strong signal of neurodivergence, and unfortunately is harsh and self-critical. so they should be weary of comments on HN, since there is a strong likelihood of being led down an unhelpful path that might aggravate this self-talk, especially given the harsh self-talk and what we know about the subcultures that frequent this place, which are not a uniform random sample of humanity".
Speaking of unarticulated contextual relations, "I often make careless mistakes" is literally in the DSM-V as a diagnostic criterion for ADHD.
I am part of project that offers food and resources to unhoused people outside the usual state and regulated private agencies and without conditions. So by that fact I see many people who the mental health system fails to help for one reason or another. I can't tell you what percentage of people that is but I can tell you it's more than zero percent. I have no advice about what works but I can't see what's wrong with creating a structure that could help you.
It was initially some hn comment that convinced me that ADHD is not lazy people's excuse, but an actual thing (even if overhyped on some hn alternatives -- social media). And that led to a diagnosis after some time.
As someone who has struggled greatly with these issues, it was an enlightening read.
To loosely quote the book, shifting your perspective doesn't erase the anxiety, but makes it not quite so unbearable.
I was not planning on opening HN, but it has actually helped me :) I do have to admit I first asked a chat bot what the overall tone was before I opened it up myself.
Thank you very much, I needed to hear this.
I’ve heard, but not confirmed, that depression is a comorbidity among 80% of people with ADHD.
They neuropsychological testing with reaction times and very granular memory tests was quite interesting. If you get the chance to have someone deem it medically necessary, I recommend doing so.
I know that's a very objective way of looking at it, I mean ofcourse volunteering is a good thing! But I wasn't sure if I was mentally prepared for it. I will definitely reach out to one nearby place that I know of.
Also very important, try to sleep the best you can and do exercise... I remember reading here about exercise in some cases exceeding the benefits of ADHD medications...
If you are overdosing things... don't... caffeine can be overdosed and the effects are nasty and lingering... caffeine is meant to be a zero sum game, where it gets you speed in the morning and when it wears off then you go to sleep... if you over dose it then you are making your body over exert and at some point the body will communicate the results via extreme tiredness, bad humor, etc...
Don't be hard on yourself, from everyone we are the most hard on ourselves when we should be the most kind of them all.
Would you mind sharing what solutions they recommended for you to try? Also any meds?
Also picked up therapy yet again but tbh I never found therapy to really solve things - it helps me understand myself better at a logical level but the underlying anxiety / depression (including suicidal ideation) has never really gone away until the meds.
I'd say right now I'm feeling quite content with life, and even find myself feeling genuinely happy throughout the day about things. Which is something I haven't really experienced before. I still have some of those feelings of anxiety crop up but they fade away pretty fast. Depression is completely gone for the most part. I'm still trying to understand this new reality as I'm not used to it at all. But I think (with some caution still!) it's pretty great.
I know anti depressants have a lot of bad press and I’ve even had therapists tell me it’s a crutch. So I’ve generally been hesitant to start them. But they work, not sure why they work, but they do for me at least and I’m glad I stuck with it to find the right one.
A rando that knows a little therapy language and has good intentions is dangerous. Turn and run.
Then you'd have people with symptoms, but who's life is not affected by them.
I wonder myself if it's just the first group that is classified as neurodivergent or both.
Now, I am not trying to say there is nothing anyone can do to improve themselves or their situation, but I do find a lot of advice falls short. Common advice is to set reminders, make lists, etc.. However, none of that is helpful when one has to remember to even create/check the reminders, lists, etc.. I notoriously create to-do lists only to never look at them ever again.
Honestly, if I have learned anything in life, it is that I cannot be left to my own devices. I need lots of forced, external structure which makes me rather uncomfortable because I do not want to burden others with the responsibility of managing my disability.
Me as well, which is a really "fun" time when my specific blend of neurodivergence also causes me to immediately resent said authority and external structure and view it as removing my agency.
What I've learned as I've gotten older is just how much of our struggle comes down to our social model of disability. A lot of these "symptoms" are only disorders because we've built such rigid, uncompromising systems for interacting with and participating in society.
Modern psychology has a tendency to pathologize an individual's ability to conform to this rigidity instead of doing the hard work of promoting the building of flexible environments that are more accommodating of different ways of thinking and working. Instead, we work really hard to force a square peg into the round hole.
Its incredibly isolating, tbh.
It should just be about more deeply understanding ourselves as individuals, and understanding the world around us (particularly other people), so that we may navigate it better.
I saw a video of a comedian (a woman) doing crowd work, and kind of playfully bullying someone (a man), asking them about their therapy. I thought it was funny, but a lot of the comments were along the lines of "that's not cool, how dare you."
But that audience member was at a comedy club, where comics do that kind of thing. Going to therapy isn't about collectively making sure the world babysits and coddles everyones needs. It's about giving you the tools to handle what you can't change.
Edit: some people have replied saying why religion is helpful. Ok. But that doesn't answer my question of why is it showing up so much on HN lately.
I do sense the same thing you do, though; that there’s something of a religious revival swelling, at least in the West that’s overwhelmingly represented here:
https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2025/10/20/growing-shar...
Economist via archive: https://archive.ph/M7NW0
If that means we should burn all the bibles I leave as an exercise for the reader.
That is contingent on actually believing in the religion, no? In my experiences, church attendees do not tend to take kindly to people attending with anterior motives.
When I was in school, I attended a few churches to meet new people. They were rather apprehensive when they learned I did not believe in any of it and was just faking it all.
You're there to learn. It's called Bible study for a reason.
When I came back to church after 10 years as an avowed agnostic/atheist I didn't believe. I did listen and pay attention a lot better than I did as a child. Listening with an open mind and an unhardened heart make a difference.
There are different types of churches too. In my experience most "mega churches" truly cater to this more curious audience. It's more of the movie going experience where you can walk in like anyone else, without having to know anybody, sit down and just listen to the service. Then get up and leave without talking to anybody if you don't want to. Messages tend to be tailored to the idea that any given week you're going to have people who have never set foot in a church before in life.
When I came back, I went to one of these for about 6 years (New Spring Church in South Carolina). Eventually, I wanted more and we switched to a more traditional church with Adult Sunday School and a men's (or women's) Bible study one night a week.
Churches are welcoming places but everybody there is going to be different. If you tell somebody you don't believe, some people are going to be thankful that you're there and others aren't going to have any idea what to say. That's pretty normal. Faking it is a little different though. No reason to fake it. Just be honest that you don't believe but you're here and willing to listen.
Other perhaps, but I am not. I would be there for the social aspects only.
Also, what is there to study? I am sincerely asking. The text in the book is, if I may use a tautology, the text in the book. Anything else other than the literal text is merely interpretation, which becomes a debate in and of itself.
I have also learned there are some questions one must never ask. Any truly deep questions that challenge certain fundamental and integral beliefs are often met with hostility. So, perhaps you are correct -- one must study the bible, but in my experiences, one must dare not question it. I'm not asking smart-ass questions like, "What's the deal with 2 Kings 2:23-24 lol?" either.
> Then get up and leave without talking to anybody if you don't want to.
But those people probably truly believe, unlike me. Thus, I might as well stay home at that point.
> Messages tend to be tailored to the idea that any given week you're going to have people who have never set foot in a church before in life.
We must have wildly different experiences, which is odd because I lived in the Southeast during much of that time too.
> Faking it is a little different though. No reason to fake it.
Perhaps faking is a little different. I will concede that point. However, there is absolutely a reason to fake it. I have read enough history and current news to understand that in-group people have been, and can be, heinous towards out-group people. Mankind feels most righteous when carrying out atrocities in the name of good. Now, I am not saying there is a high likelihood of such an event, but it only takes one time, and that is not a risk I am willing to take.
I’m pretty sure quite a few people who bring children to church don’t literally believe in the stuff themselves and just think the social elements and the morality are good for their children.
Were you trying to meet friends or trying to date though? If the latter I think it would feel a lot weirder.
Also if it bothers you to lie by omission I think one could come up with an explanation that wasn’t simply “I’m faking” and is more along the lines of “my grandparents were Christian and I think we lost something culturally when a lot of people stopped doing this” or something like that, assuming those are true for you. God is a metaphor, etc etc.
As arrogantly and incorrectly once thought in my youth, these people are not stupid. In my experiences, some, not all, can kind of pickup on it. It's usually a corroboration of mounting little slip-ups. Perhaps I am not a talented actor.
For example, I never grew up in any church systems, and the Christian bible is full of key characters and proper nouns. So, when I pronounced the name "Job" like a place of employment, it raised some eyebrows. How was I supposed to know lol?
> Were you trying to meet friends or trying to date though?
It depends on who I was interacting with. With the amount of testosterone pumping through my veins at the time, if I were interacting with an attractive female, you better believe I was trying to shoot my shot. Never caused any weirdness, but I absolutely agree it could.
> assuming those are true for you
Kind of. Half my family was nominally Christian, and the other half was persecuted and slaughtered by Christians.
I do appreciate you trying to assist in this endeavor though. I think you have made some fair points. I just wish churches were not one of the few remaining institutions for one to get this sense of community.
Which it might be, and it might not be—any more than we can conclude that the solution to “my throat hurts” is “take antibiotics.” (If it’s bacterial, that could cure it near-instantly; if it’s viral, it won’t do anything and might hurt in the aggregate)
In that analogy, to my thinking, church is maybe like “gargle some salt water”—the underlying biological processes may or may not be addressable by modern medicine, and you should probably talk to the doctor too—but the salt water may well make you feel better regardless.
And some people hate salt! More power to them! But I’m not coming at the folk remedy person for offering “have you thought about it.”
For that matter “church” can take many forms, even ostensibly secular ones. My raver friends, for example, speak of the dance floor as “church,” and think about it rather explicitly in terms of spiritual reconnection.
Sometimes the secular and the organized churches even cross paths…
Anyone can find a community nearby, churches aren't the only way.
Glad it worked out for you, but it doesn't for many people and that's okay. There are other communities out there.
Also Church is no substitute for mental health professions. Would you tell someone to "pray the cancer away?" I hope not, you'd tell then to speak to a qualified professional. That's where therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, or even guidance councilers come into play.
This isn't accurate at all. Christian churches welcome everyone but there are no zoning laws directing people to specific churches. Many happen to be very homogeneous as a side effect of people often being more comfortable. There are numerous "black", "hispanic", "chinese", etc churches that are out there by perception but not by requirement. None of these churches are going to turn you away if you don't look like them anymore than a predominantly white church would.
Regarding women, I'm not sure what you've been reading to make that suggestion? There's probably no institution in the world that cares for women more than the Christian church. Strong families are part of the bedrock. Visit one on Mother's Day sometime. Check out the low cost and sometimes even free child care available (Mother's morning out, VBC, etc). Jesus treatment of women was radical in the context of the time period.
Glad you go to a good church, but some of them ain't that and refusing to believe this is extremely dishonest. Especially when people like Jerry Falwell had open disdain towards certain Americans right up to his death while having major influence with several US presidents.
> women bodily autonomy (being anti-abortion)
Pro-life has never been anti-women and this is a political hot button topic that isn't getting settled on HN. The conceived child has it's own life, it's own DNA and the goal is to protect that life. If the baby is a girl, then pro-life is the only real pro-woman stance. Churches also offer extensive support for mothers, single-mothers and their families.
> want to take away the right to vote from women
I have no response to this other than...what stuff are you reading on the internet? This is nonsense.
> openly attack children (yes attacking trans children is attacking children)
Nobody attacks children. This is not a church topic. Protecting children is a church topic. Children are innocent.
> believing the civil rights act was a mistake
Again, I have no idea what you're reading on the internet but this is not something that comes from church. I vaguely remember some political agitator in the last couple of years going viral for saying something to this regard and then it went away.
Ever heard of the Catholic Church? What does rape count as?
To all you downvoters Jesus is watching you and will send you to hell for it. -John 3:16